World's worst housewife

So I've been doing womenz work so far today, and let me tell you, it never gets easier for this fool. Laundry, ok, I don't really fuck that up anymore, but I've been cleaning the bachelorette pad for tomorrows bloodbath (Anti-Valentine's Party..eep!), and doing stuff I only do on spesh occasions, like sweeping, vacuuming, dusting (?!?!, i know!), and so forth. First off, I blame my hate for dusting on when I was little in the suburbs of Dallas and Philly, I was forced to dust EVERY weekend before I could do anything, and this has bred a hatred in me. That, and I am incapable and ridiculous when I start cleaning. I mean, for real, it's like watching an episode of I Love Lucy. For example, I'm trying to clean out the filter thingamajig on the vacuum, and im like on my knees pulling out a big ol' hair and lint ball out of it, and BAM the fucking whole thing pops and goes flying across the room. Then. When I'm cleaning the toilet, which I regret to say I NEVER do I mean it's probably unsanitary at this point (thank god for wifey), I literally take 10 minutes to figure out how to open the toilet cleaner. Seriously. I'm twisting and pushing and pulling and cursing and my bathroom is one foot by one foot and I'm basically freaking, it was let me tell you, a scene. On my break from my role as special ed housewife, I sit down and have some coffee and enjoy the entertainment choice of my ilk, soap operas. Ok, so I watch Days of Our Lives with wifey, yeah, but only with her and it's pretty funny and it has the HOTTEST FUCKING BRITISH MOTHERFUCKER on tv, E J Wells. Saaa-wooon!

Wikipedia entry, it's amazing

He's a little aesthetically and conventionaly handsome for my usualz..but apparently I make exceptions, because I am obsessed with that fucker def. Especially when he wields a gun..I know, I'm saving up for some therapy.
But then that fucking show Passions comes on, and normally I can't even watch that shit for fun, cos it's so ridiculous. Like, they used to have a monkey nurse on the show that had romantic dream sequences with one of the male characters. I mean, she would be dressed up (the CHIMP, people) in lingerie and shit, and the dude woud be all dancing with her and I really can't talk about it anymore. BUT I'm watching it cos I don't want to tackle the UGH YUCK kitchen, and all of a goddamn sudden the Scissor Sisters are on stage. In the soap opera. And who brought them there? Oh, just the daughter of the witch character, who is also, of course, a witch. Oh, and she's like 3. How many 3 year old's like Scissor Sisters??! Ok, well I guess there aren't many witch 3 year olds either, hehe. Plus, she talks with thought bubbles. So the Scissor Sisters perform a couple songs at the local club thing right, and THEN they actually are acting in the show. Like, how many housewifes watching daytime fucking television are all about the fucking Scissor Sisters?! Whatever, I was cracking up, lemme tell ya. Actually, I remember hearing that Echo and the Bunnies were on some soap opera performing in the background. Moving on, point of the story, I will never get married. Or rather, if I do, please do not expect me to clean/cook/have children/be sober. Hey guys, the line forms on the right! Pshhhhh!!

*UM OK* Of course it's on Youtube..I don't even like the Scissor Sisters at all but I was dyyyying when I saw this! I think you have to have seen at least one episode of Passions to fully appreciate. The. Utter. Retardness. And wallow in it.