Gender bombs will fall

(Image fromFlirting for the Ages)
I want to drink red wine with a saltnpepper man!! Why, MSN, can you tell me how to do this?

So I never read the stoooopid stories on MSN.com but today fer some reason I decided to read this ohsointriguing article:
10 Pickup Lines for Her and how informative it was! SIKE. Hey, I was willing to give it a chance, *obviously* I have no real skill for this type of thing, as my usual "technique" fer letting a guy know I fancy him goes like this (giggly drunk with a jackn'coke in my hand)," Ya know..I think you're soooo cute! You have such preeeeeetty eyes! I liiiike you ya know!" I am nothing if not honest. Sadly, this honest and I'msodorkyitmustbecute approach only works fer a certain kind of relationship, and definately not anything long term or involving any respect fer me. But seriously, as long as the guy is semicool (that's the hard part), I don't think there should really be a "pickup line" needed. But ONCE AGAIN, look where my style has gotten me, a big nooooozwhere! Okay, the first pickup line on the list: "Hi."

What?! Duh. Hey thanks fer that fucking awesome advice MSN! All I have to do is INTRODUCE myself to a guy, oh of COURSE! Oh, yeah so does that mean when a girl introduced herself or even says hullo it's considered a fucking pickup line?! Jeez, I'm a total tease by those standards. And then there's this brill one, "You've got an iPod. Should I get the Nano or the 30 gig?" OY. Okay, maybe that might be an okay convo starter, but not fer someone who works at an Apple store. Plus, playing the "I'm a silly girl who doesn't understand technology, tell me what crazy musiccomputerything I should get cos I just don't knooooowww!" isn't the first impression you want to give. Whatev. And that one, "Don't you think Batman's cooler than Superman because he doesn't have super-powers to fall back on?" Wteff?? Maybe if you're in a fucking Seinfeld episode (or if the guy is a big comicbook nerd, in which case WHY ARE YOU HITTING ON HIM? unless you're talking bout graphic novels, cos that's diff, but let's not get started on THAT...)!

And then there's a link to the also helpful, "10 Great Places to Meet a Man," because hell, we can't just happen to meet anyone anymore, we gotta go out thar AND FIND THAT BASTARD BEFORE OUR CLOCKS STOP TICKING. Man. So they have comedy classes (ugh), baseball daimonds (ick), and business conferences (eww), as great places. And a couple weird ones fer good measure, including blood drives (well, I guess you'd know they're um, clean?) and Sci-Fi conventions (HAHAHA, are they joking?! WHAT?! I'm not even going to go further into that line of absurdity..hey, now *horror movie* conventions..different story..that's where I met my Joe Bob Briggs...sigh!). And then there's my person fave suggestion..

" Music Clubs. Next Saturday night take a bunch of your girlfriends to a nightclub that hosts local bands. You'll find them right up on stage: clusters of men, pouring their hearts out, trying to impress you. But don't get too seduced by musical talent. Tortured artists are dazzling on stage, but can be a drag in real life. On the other hand, a nice middle manager (during the day) indulging in some innocent rock-star fantasies (by night) could be just the ticket.

Of course the only problem is everyother girl has thought of this. Even the lowest wrung of dive bar, kareoke-singin jerkwad wannabes get the girls all googly-eyed. I couldn't tell ya why, I am afflicted with the same geedee condition as every other dumb chick, sadly. I'd like to think of course that I at least fall for the talented ones, I mean, I know me the good music when I stand there at the foot of the stage and drool over him. I mean it. The music that is. Of course I also did the OPPOSITE of that too, with a funknsoulrandb lovin lawyer. His mix CD with all that kinda music? Yeah I listened to it a bit, I tried, and yeah, when he dumped me a couple days after Christmas one the geedee phone, YEAH I cut it into 4 pieces and chucked it. Anyway, I'm back to square one with the music thing: stick to my own kind(ie).

Ahh, so because I am avoiding any type of productivity or creativity right now, I took the "What Type of Flirt are You?" fer a laugh. And of course I knew this, I am the:

A Funny Flirt: The direct approach has never worked for you. Instead, you like to charm guys by infiltrating their own territory and getting to know them in their own environment -- like Sigourney Weaver in Gorillas in the Mist, but with beer instead of bananas. (HAHAHAHA, that is pretty AWESOME actually-Krissy)The strategy is to make yourself indispensable -- be one of the guys, make jokes, be fun to hang around with, and avoid the games girls play as much as you can.
However, you're well acquainted with the danger of being one of the guys. It's that you can easily become...one of the guys. Watch out for that -- make sure people know there are breasts under that Celtics jersey. "Women like this create intimacy through what I like to call the buddy system," says Catherine Cardinal, PhD, author of The Ten Commandments of Relationships (Andrews McMeel, 2000). But when buddying up means you're not taken seriously, learn when to assert yourself."

Hmmm...I think I would partially agree with this I guess. I don't see anything wrong with being one of the guys however. Cos then they RESPECT the KIZZDAWG!! Or something like that. Ahh, so now I can learn how to "Flex my Flirting Muscles" on MSN.com..what?! Okay, I've OD'ed on this relationship propoganda bullshit, Krissy OUT.